From tennis to swimming and soccer, female athletes are at the top of their game right now, but they are still not receiving the support that men do. The problem isn’t just that there is a gender pay gap that exists in sports…and in the workplace — it’s the average woman’s inability to play games in the traditional male dominated places where we often find ourselves at a disadvantage.
I think, a lot of women do want to feel confident, to speak our minds, to be ourselves inside the office and out. There is nothing wrong with women, either mentally or physically, wanting to be self-empowered and believing they don’t need to compete in workplace games. Most focus on doing our jobs to the best of our ability, so we overlook the fact that the game is still in play around us, with or without our involvement. Too often though we ignore the value in the game itself because it can feel tedious. To make things worse, we don’t necessarily understand the value in playing the game itself because we don’t recognize when we are in a competition with our male counterparts.
A golf parable
The glass ceiling is real! When I started out in Human Resources over 20 + years ago, men were at the highest levels for most companies where I worked. Over the years I’ve seen many women become successful, only to a certain point & then, stall. Many have traditionally worked in acceptable female roles…and then had to take a break to raise their families. This gave their male counterparts the upper edge because we weren’t invited to play golf with the boys to “discuss business” and weren’t privy to the inside scoop. Men still dominate the top ranks of business today.
Most people still believe golf is a game for men because of the long-standing traditions of decades past. Golf has long been considered a sport attractive to rich white men. This is because the sport was built around men spending hours together on the course while brokering business deals. Things have certainly changed, and any woman can now find a golf program to learn the sport.
What does golf teach you?
Make no mistake about it…golf is about socializing and exercising rather than showing physical strength or overcoming mental challenges. The goal isn’t beating men but feeling comfortable and enjoying the game! Playing golf is all about good judgment, correct and intricate thinking. The game has a unique way of revealing another person’s character. The deliberate, purposeful execution of a detailed plan to meet clearly defined goals, shows that despite of our desire to put forth our best efforts one can fail miserably. It’s a study in observing how each player takes advantage of opportunities, learns from mistakes and then forgets them, while plodding forward all the way. Personal characteristics are often revealed when observing how each player behaves on the golf course in observing the rules; which speaks to an individual’s restraint, temperament, integrity and honesty.
Decorum also governs the social dynamics of the golf course: playing in turn, not distracting fellow golfers or getting in their way; these are basic things that nonetheless cannot be overlooked are parallel to what happens in the workplace. Perhaps it doesn’t seem like a terrible thing to walk across a playing partner’s putting line, but the action signifies disrespect and a lack of concern that can happen both on and off the course.
As a unique social opportunity and an experience of shared struggle, camaraderie, business deals and lasting friendships can be formed. This dynamic where four people spend more than four hours together, while experiencing degrees of failure more often than success, creates a singular connection between people.
How golf affected my business relationships
In my 30s, I worked for a national temporary staffing company and United Parcel Service (UPS) was my customer. Like most 100-year-old organizations, UPS began as a mostly male dominant hierarchical company; today they have a female CEO. My agency was tasked with staffing non-union positions (e.g. data-entry clerks) with temporary employees while UPS was undergoing an effort to consolidate its billing departments into a central location for possible outsourcing in future years. As the account manager my focus was two-fold: to work with my local staffing branches to source qualified candidates who could do the work, and to work with UPS management to manage a contingent workforce of 1,000 people in multiple locations throughout southern California.
Since unemployment was at an all-time low of 4% it became very difficult to find people who could type 10,000 keystrokes per hour with a low level of errors because skilled people were in high demand throughout all regions. Our goal was to start 10 people each night. To make things even more difficult, the hours were part-time, and most shifts did not begin until 11pm at night; ending at 3am. Frequently the local staffing office would recruit, test, and confirm a new employee to report to work on a specific night. However, when I later arrived onsite at the UPS facility, I was informed that one or more person(s) had not shown up to begin their shift.
UPS’s Finance Director (I’ll call him FB) had a temporary office at the consolidated billing site where I would check in with him upon arrival, to make sure our people had arrived to begin their shift. FB had also moved some of his accounting supervisors to this location because of the importance of the consolidation project (moving all of the UPS billing for 5 states to this one location over a period of several months).
FB was a long-time member of UPS senior management who yielded a lot of power because he had overall financial responsibility for multiple states. During this time, our agency was billing about 13 million in revenue annually, so I cannot understate the importance of keeping this man happy. My agency was expected to provide the people promised on a schedule that was dictated to us by UPS. It did not matter that our product was human and that some people go through the entire hiring process only to ghost us when it is time to arrive at work.
During another cycle of adding people in preparation for another state to be consolidated into this location, my office did not supply the promised number of people. It became a common experience for me to show up to the facility, only to have FB and his supervisors waiting to ask me why our people had not shown up. The supervisors were all younger than FB and I could tell they all looked to him to see how he would handle the situation. As I stood before him and did the dance, as I had done before, he expressed his disappointment and frustration over our agency’s failure to supply enough people. As the account manager, I felt extremely uncomfortable standing before him, and his supervisors, making excuses and promises for better future performance. Clearly, his patience was running thin…
On yet another night I arrived at the UPS facility to be greeted once again by FB and his supervisors. He began the same line of questioning and again voiced his frustration. This time I sensed that time was running out as his patience was growing weary. I was afraid he would call another staffing agency and we would lose business. Because I knew FB was an avid golfer, I presented him with a proposal. I said, “To make it up to you for our branch’s service failures, I would like to pay for a round of golf for you and 3 people of your choice. You just pick the location and date and let me know the cost.” He accepted the proposal and said he would get back to me. I felt some temporary relief.
The following week when I arrived, I peeked my head into FB’s office and provided him with another staffing update. I then asked if he had given further thought to my proposal, to which he replied “Well, I’ve got some good news…and some bad news.” This man already terrified me, so at this point I wasn’t sure what to expect but responded with “Okay, what did you decide?” FB went on to inform me that he wanted to golf at the Empire Lakes course (built by Arnold Palmer – mostly a par 4 and par 5 relatively flat golf course without much elevation change), and to save me money they would play during the twilight hours (where you golf after a certain time — it is usually anywhere from 3-5 p.m., you may run out of daylight and typically can only finish 9 holes but the rates are almost half price). This was certainly good news since I never had any authority in the first place to take a client to play golf…a fact I wasn’t even aware of until I returned to the office and got a stern talking to by my manager. The reason was that golf socials were strictly reserved for my company’s area President (a white male).
Reluctantly, I then asked FB to share the bad news. FB, surrounded by his supervisors, grinned (I think he even chuckled a little) and then said, “The bad news is YOU are golfing too.” Now I’m pretty sure we had previously chatted about his love for golfing and he was aware that I had never played the game before. Regardless, this was his demand. It took a moment for his words to sink in and for me to collect my thoughts before responding. I think he wanted me to be as unhappy as he was about my company’s service failures. Finally, I said to FB, “But I don’t play golf, in fact besides miniature golf I’ve never played the game in my life.” I reiterated that I would pay for his supervisors and him to go enjoy the game without me. FB then informed me there was no negotiation and I was expected to play at some date in the future. I was stuck! There was no way for me to get out of this and his request floored me because it was totally unexpected! I think I probably joked that watching me golf would be completely entertaining as I would have no idea what I was doing but I eventually agreed to play.
Growing up I had done some sports…softball, ice skating, ballet, baton, drill team, swimming, and horseback riding…but never anything like this. I do consider myself to be a quick learner who is somewhat athletic, and I’ve always had upper body strength. To prepare for the upcoming day (that I dreaded) I watched professional golfers on the television and also enlisted the assistance of one of my male supervisors that lived in San Diego (home to several beautiful golf courses). Once a week I arrived four hours early to receive a crash course from him in golfing, and my confidence began to build. His patience in explaining the game provided me with a foundation, so I could avoid looking like a complete fool in front of my customers. For this I am still forever grateful.
When I arrived at the course, I could see by the smirk on FB’s face and that he was quite entertained by what he had done. After purchasing a round of golf and a cart for the four of us we began to play the nine-hole course. Each time as I prepared to swing, my focus was on getting to the next hole. Using the skill that I had gained in prior months I was able to hit the ball long and far to its next destination while holding my own. We chatted it up and discussed some UPS business but mostly we shared experiences about our families and life. FB was a great host and I got to see a new side of him that was gentlemanly, patient and funny. His supervisors were great as well. Afterward I thanked FB and his supervisors for “making me learn golf” and told them how very much I had enjoyed the sport. To everyone’s dismay, I ranked second on the final score…beating out both of FB’s supervisors.
Something changed in my relationship with FB after that day of golfing together. Gone were the days of showing up on those late nights and being berated by FB in front of his supervisors because our people hadn’t shown up. FB spoke to me in a tone of respect and for the first time it felt like we were on an even playing field where we were working toward the same goals…to solve together the staffing shortage that both my agency and UPS faced due to a low unemployment throughout the region. Together we brainstormed and tried new ideas. Besides the fact that I had kept my commitment and held my own that day of golfing, the professional relationship had grown and was no longer hostile. I also must add that by beating both of FB’s supervisors it provided him with months of jokes to lob their way about the “woman who had never played golf before…beating them” at the game they had played together for years. Admittedly, it is one of my fondest memories as well.
In closing, there’s no secret that playing golf (sports) presents a fantastic opportunity for networking and building relationships. Playing golf is much more likely to benefit one’s career than detract from productivity and success. It would be redundant to point out the way in which golf imitates the workplace and vice versa. Men enjoy the cut and thrust of office politics (sports) but don’t take them personally, while women obsess over office politics (games) and take them very personally…often holding them back. It’s because of our gender orientation in the way we are raised. In life and at work, men and women walk the same courses and must learn to be better allies to one another. For better or worse we can all engage in the game.
I would love to hear any other comments you may have on your experience when playing games either on the field or in the office. Have you had similar experiences?
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