So much of our lives are spent working, raising our family, and then taking care of our aging parents later on. If you weren’t raised in an activist family, you may have grown up believing that this is something “those other people” do. Besides, who has time in their busy lives for activism or to get involved in an entire movement…and with so many employers spying on their employee’s social media accounts…why on earth would you want to be viewed as a “troublemaker” by speaking out publicly on women’s issues? Sadly, for many of us, we only take the time to learn about issues, if and when they affect our life directly or the lives of those that are important to us. However, this approach to going through life blindly is in fact a choice. So, I sit and ask myself how DO I change this and become more informed.
One of the few benefits of having gone through a global pandemic is the increased offering of webinars and virtual events now available online through LinkedIn just by clicking on your network tab. From here you can see a list of upcoming events on varied topics of interest. For example, my network shows the online event “TransformHer ’21” offered later this week. The focus of the event is up-leveling of self, industry, and society – a necessary ambition in the aftermath of 2020. The host says they are committed to the belief that ‘We Rise Together and this event embodies that commitment in three forms: 1) Unite: Build a united community of women of color, allies, and industry leaders 2) Educate: Learn from our community of mentors, who will present constructive solutions to advance women of color and allies through conversations rooted in actionable advice and support 3) Celebrate: We celebrate progress and the people leading the way. By the way, “allies” can be code for white people so please don’t dismiss this as an event only for people of color to attend.
Over the years much focus has been placed on the disparaging of women of color, but I can tell you from personal experiences that many of the issues that women of color face are also common experiences faced by all women. For example, women of color in the US have faced historical suppression in four key areas: the workplace wage gap, equal access to health, educational attainment, and the reflection of political leaders. On the whole, all women regardless of race, face these same challenges. Although you’ll get no argument from me that women of color have experienced a greater degree of bias, discrimination, and underrepresented than other protected groups.
Now as an Anglo female growing up in middle class America, I cannot recall hearing any discussion between my parents, relatives, neighbors, or teachers about women’s rights, equal pay, and opportunity, or any other such causes. Is this because I grew up in the “white privilege” bubble…a community of people perhaps inoculate to the realities of racism because of the color of our skin? Maybe the outrage and activism over equal rights was non-existent because I was raised in a traditional family by a stay at home mother and dad who worked to support the entire family. All I do recall is a feeling that I could achieve just about anything if I worked hard enough for it – an idea that one could practice and get better and with enough willpower could achieve just about anything without facing barriers to individual achievement. Looking back, what this meant was that I had an unconscious handicap placed on me from a young age in believing that all women grew up having inalienable rights and as long as you don’t question authority figures your hard work will pay off and eventually lead to advancement. Right or wrong, I grew up believing women have all of the same opportunities as men, regardless of your potential or privilege.
I don’t know if my parents really ever encouraged me to be anything when growing up but like many girls in the 80s, I recall wanting to be a nurse. Teachers and secretaries were other popular career choices for girls because traditionally there were only certain fields that were acceptable for our gender. Fortunately, my parents also forgot to tell me that there are things I shouldn’t attempt to learn because they didn’t fit into the traditional gender-based roles and beliefs of our society at that time. For example, one of my first jobs in high school was working as a gas station attendant. On weekends the mechanics would teach me how to change my car’s own oil and replace the brakes. My father was always doing things around the house because we weren’t rich. Later, when I was married, it was always me who replaced the parts in the leaking toilet or fixed the broken sprinklers in the yard because to me it was normal.
I’ve had several teachers, coaches, and bosses who were great mentors, and over time I realized what could be achieved in better pay and promotions after advancing into better positions as each job led me to the next. Like many girls I experienced a severe shortage of guidance in early life. Later, I decided that I needed to go to college.
I don’t think any of us really understand just how much a single person or life choice can change the trajectory of our lives for better or worse. Some people will enter your lives for a period of time or in passing say something critical about your work or job performance, leaving you to believe what you have been told. Why DO we let other people define us? Sometimes you can just speak up on a topic near and dear to your heart that “rings true” with others who are also learning to speak and share their truth. This is the great benefit to attending these online events and building a network of women with common interests. Stephen R. Covey once said, “Treat a man (woman) as he (she) can and should be and he (she) will become as he (she) can and should be.” What DO you want to be?
The truth is it’s hard to find time to campaign against inequality when you’re elbow-deep in diapers, cooking dinner, or running kids to the sports field. At the same time, the women’s movement has long relied on “consciousness raising” as a first step to action. But if we are each living…surviving in our own little bubble…how do you begin to educate yourself on issues that are important and have a long-term affect on your daughters, nieces, and even today’s women in the workplace? How sad is it that we raise our daughters to believe they can be or do anything only to arrive in the workplace and learn that the barriers faced by their ancestors are still very present and real? Gloria Steinem a white writer, lecturer, political activist, and feminist organizer in the 1960s and 70s once said, “The truth will set you free. But first it will piss you off.”
The past year has forced many women to confront the inequality in their own life through every kid sitting on a lap in a zoom meeting. Our pre-pandemic life was formerly characterized by always being late and stressed trying to manage kid pickups and drop offs and being the soccer mom. And in a post pandemic world more employers may choose to introduce more flexible leave policies but not without an uproar, push back, and flat out major loss of talented women in the workplace who at some point will rebuild, recreate, and build their own inclusive workplaces where women can thrive. Although women are divided by race, class, nationality, and plenty else, we still can and should talk about women’s issues…a generation of little girls deserves nothing less.
Someone once said they remember being a trainee in the army. During a mock field exercise of 30+ people, all the instructors “died.” Those soldiers who were still alive were spread out in formation, and a corporal made his way around to each of them. When he got to one soldier, he asked “corporal, what the hell is going on, who’s in charge?” The words he said next were life changing, “If you don’t know who’s in charge, you’re in charge.” Who is in charge of women’s issues in YOUR life? Your government, your employer, the future generation, or perhaps someone else?
Let’s embrace what every female leader who has come before us has learned and that is to make a conscious decision to get involved and take commanded of their lives. With confidence let’s draw on the strong women we know and focus on being engaged while building our own community on which to draw from. Let’s not lament on the kind of life where barriers like the glass ceiling have suppressed our desire to aspire to greater positions; let’s not behave as though we are already self-defeated. But instead let’s ponder how our life and the lives of our daughters will be not only different but remarkable given the opportunity. What could this mean for you given the opportunity to influence those within your own circle? And through your actions how can you become part of a greater movement? Whether we’re talking about children, direct reports, or even friends, we have far more influence than we can possibly imagine. The right thing said at the right time can change a person’s life for the better, so if you want to make the world a better place for women, consider it your duty to start by lifting other females up while supporting their journey.
It’s interesting to me how many people say that they want to have an impact on the world these days. So many want to join or create some kind of social movement if they just had the time. No one seems to realize that you can have a huge impact every single day in the way you treat individual people as you make your way through life. Maybe you don’t currently have what it takes. Maybe not now — maybe in a few years or through determination you will learn to find your voice. But in this moment, realizes that it’s okay to seek out your source of truth in the universe and to seek out those who share similar dreams that someday will take flight. Each of us has a sphere of influence whereby we can choose to uplift others and support their causes until we find your own.
Sometimes it starts with something as small as helping another person to get out of their own way or even their comfort zone. It’s every women’s job to make sure that we can all rise to reach our potential, to support that path and to watch with satisfaction in the success and well-being of others as we aspire to greater heights and reach new goals. Remember that each of us has our own potential that can be realized, and we can help other people realize theirs by being their advocate and cheerleader. Be the voice of knowledge and encouragement and never be afraid to speak your truth.
Please share your personal experiences and opinion on how we can become better activists in our personal lives. What advice do you have to other women on how to be a positive influence on the women in your life?
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