The fight to maintain a positive self-image is very real and has a lasting effect on your happiness.
Why is body shaming (BS) such a big deal?
Well when you are taught to believe that you are fat you feel personal shame.
When you are taught growing up that you are not accepted because of your weight, or because you look different, you learn to compare yourself to others in an attempt to seek validation in the outside world.
My very personal fight over body image began from a very young age until my final acceptance that happened in my mid-40s. During this time my weight fluctuated between wearing a size 6 and a size 14. As an adoptee I never understood why I didn’t look like my parents as I struggled to receive their validation well into my 20s.
My adoptive parents featured here together were always skinny, dieted and exercised. My mother was size zero and 4’11” tall and weighed about 86 pounds. My father was 5’7” and 150 pounds. In my pre-teen years, I was reminded whenever I was gaining weight, which motivated me to stay physically active and to diet. Because my mother was a diabetic, I grew up eating low calorie foods and even measuring my food intake while counting calories. Snacking between meals was not allowed.
In Jr. high I was a size 3 and by the time I graduated high school I was 5’5” and weighed 116 pounds, about a size 6. And no matter how hard I tried I could not understand why I didn’t look like my parents.
I lost my mother in 2007. By 2008, I was miserable and overweight from overeating to soothe my feelings of low self-worth and a failed marriage of 19 years.
Determined to get healthy I began walking, hiking and getting back to the things I loved like riding horses. By 2010 I had successfully gone from a size 14 down to a size 10 where I felt comfortable with myself again. When mentioning my weight loss during a conversation with my adoptive father he replied that he could not tell the difference. I was infuriated with him and said “Really, you can’t tell that I have lost more than 30 pounds?” I was so deeply hurt and told him I would be right back. I marched up to my room and put on one of my size 14 pants. I came back to him and pulled the waistline out showing a three-inch gap and continued to insist that he provide the validation I was seeking. I said something like “I’ve lost all of this weight and cannot believe that you have not noticed my change.” Upon my reflecting later that night I finally came to the realization that my father’s perceptions of weight were both distorted and unrealistic. At the age of 40 I had decided that I would no longer seek his validation or talk about my weight again.
After my adoptive mother passed away in 2008, I met my birth mother, cousins and other family members and finally understood why I could never look like my adoptive parents. My body type was inherited from my birth mother that is featured in this picture of us together. For the first time I fit in with my cousins and a family that looked like me. Finally, it all made sense that no matter how much I tried to diet and exercise or beat myself up mentally that I would always look the way I did. I found inner peace with this knowledge and began accepting myself for who I am.
Have you ever experience body shaming? It can take years to accept your body type and to finally feel good about yourself. Facing the fear of being judged by others can be a truly amazing experience and it is so important to teach our sons and daughters early on to love themselves completely.
My wish is for every person to learn from my experience and take this valuable lesson to heart. Don’t second guess who you are or what you are supposed to look like just because you have had an encounter with someone who is insensitive. You don’t need validation from anyone else but yourself.
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